I've been in the air, on the water, on the ground, very close to the ground but intill now i've never done a job underground.

Thus it was we found ourselves in a very damp cellar under Specsavers. We were called to back up another crew to assist a man who had possibly fallen down some cellar steps. I am not, repeat not going to make any "should have gone to Specsavers" comments. As he was completely unresponsive we didn't know if he had but we had to go on that assumption.

Getting there, we saw the other ambulance, but of the crew? No sign.

I was just getting on the phone to find out where they were when one of them appeared covered in white gunk. We followed her down into the aforementioned cellar. It was so damp that the walls were sticky. As I discovered to my cost.

The patient was lieing in a heap moaning gently. Now we had to get him out. Fortuneatly we had a special piece of kit with us. Basically its a rigid stretcher that you can strap people to.

He was fixed to it and we struggled him out. The street outside was very busy and two policemen had wondered by to see why there were two ambulances parked up with noone in them. As we emerged from the opticians a look of comprehension dawned on their faces.

Off he went in the other ambulance and we cleaned ourselves as best we could.

Later that day....

"Cardiac arrest". Off we went arriving at the house quite quickly. We were being backed up by one of the supervisors from base as my usual crewmate was on holiday.

We got there. The house backed onto a large cemetary

In we go, fully loaded. To see the dead person sitting up, smiling gently and humming to herself.

Her sister, who had called us, explained what had happened.

"She was praying and she just collapsed. She made a horrible screaming noise. I think she's possesed"

"Oh. Ok"

I looked back at the patient to see if her head was going round or if pea soup was putting in an appearance.

No to both.

The supervisor appeared at this point and we explained that the woman was possibly possesed. He left quite quickly. So he could laugh outside I think.

The womans nephew had asked to have a minute or two alone with her and what ever he had said to her had brought her round.

We had a little chat, did our paperwork and left them to it.

Two thoughts occur. Either she had fainted or she had actually died and was now possesed by an unquiet spirit.

As we left there was a horrible screaming noise, as two cats had a punchup next door

We were wandering about in the eastern reaches of the town when we got a job. As is the norm we didn't know what we were going to initially

The details came through as "A woman unresponsive" and that was it.

Ok, that could mean anything. Anything from dead to sleepy.

We arrived and were shown into the womans room. She was sat there with her partner and had the familier wide eyed stare of the diabetic having a hypo.

"Is she diabetic?" was the first question that my crewmate asked. He was obviously thinking along the same lines as I was.

She was.

So what had happened?

The partner became everso slightly evasive.

"Well, She just became unresponsive,"he said.

"So what caused it do you think?" my crewmate asked as I was taking a blood sugar reading. It was very low.

"Well, we were messing about."

"What do you mean?"

"We were having sex,"he finally got out.

There are any number of responces to this. None of which we made but all of which we said in the ambulance afterward.

Anyway, we fixed her and left her at home, feeling slightly embarressed

Later in hospital I passed a side room in casualty to see some doctors making balloon animals.

There is a good rule of thumb that says if you think the job is going to be bad it won't be and if you think it won't be it will be bad.

A good case in point tonight. We got it as "2 people hit by a car. One lieing in the road. Irate caller. Helicopter and officer also attending"

We knew the road and it wasn't a quick road but maybe control knew something we didn't.

Off we went. Got there some time later, it was a way away. The officer had beaten us to it. One casualty who had broken her foot. Painful certainly but could have been a lot worse